The Stuff in My Head — Random Poetry

Earlier this week I was really frustrated (as evidenced by this post). Truth be told, I’m still really frustrated, but I’ve got some perspective now. One of the wonderful things about motherhood is that even on the days when I want to tear my hair out, there are beautiful moments. Many of them. One night a few months ago, after a really hard day, I watched W sleep and wrote this…and I thought I’d share it…

 

Mama

It’s true that it’s me she kicks

And me she bites

But it’s also me who got her first kiss

Her first smile

The first touch of a starfish hand.

There are days when I just can’t stand another moment of being

Needed and touched…

 

Every.

Single.

Second.

 

And there are moments within every day —

Even the best days —

When I wonder how much more I can take before I crack.

Before I break.

 

There are moments of frustration at the fact that

I am her everything.

But then I realize…

I am her

EVERYTHING.

 

It’s me she turns to for comfort

It’s me she wants when she’s scared

It’s me she reaches for in her sleep

It’s me she watches each morning when she wakes…

She lies quietly beside me and waits…

And waits…

For my eyes to open…

And she grins her big toothless baby grin…

And there is no sunrise so precious.

 

I know it’ll be at me that she yells “I hate you!” when she can’t

Draw on the walls

Have more ice cream

Take the car out.

 

But it will also be me she tells when she

Makes her first best friend

Falls in love

Feels her belly swell with her own sweet baby some day.

 

There are days when I am stretched to breaking,

And I am sure I can’t do this for one more second…

But then I give her a bath

And we nurse

And she hums her going-to-sleep song

And her eyes close

And I look into her beautiful, beautiful, peaceful, sleeping face.

 

In these moments I realize that being Mama is the

Hardest

Sweetest

Most impossible

Most beautiful thing I will ever do.

 

And I would never trade it.

Not for gold,

Not for freedom.

 

She is

My everything.

 

 

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jem
    Feb 09, 2012 @ 16:43:17

    Sobbing here. I blame the pregnancy hormones! Beautiful. 🙂

    Reply

  2. Ashley @ C is for Cockerham
    Feb 09, 2012 @ 21:54:06

    So, so sweet.

    Reply

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